Youngbuck Revisited

When I’m all alone at night my mind begins to wonder. Crazy shit streams through my head like a bad horror flick written by Heidi Montag. How do lizards have sex? Does So and So really look in the mirror and think “Damn that looks good” before leaving the house? How was I able to function before “Snapped” on Oxygen? Is Oprah really a lesbian? And when is a good time to tell my cousin she isn’t a model? The inner dialog inside my head is definitely questionable.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, actually it doesn’t except to show that I’m clearly crazy. But even I, in my craziest of episodes, wonder what the fuck people are thinking when they do, say or write certain things.

Case in point, Youngbuck (remember him?).

I want to take a moment and discuss Youngbuck’s steady spiral towards the “You’ve got to be kidding me and lose my number” zone. Perhaps someone can please shed some light on why Youngbuck went from a sweet, decent lay into a man with an unhealthy preoccupation with my knees and his penis.

Truth be told, I’m not really sure why he’s still around. In my heart of hearts I know that we will never be exclusive. Perhaps I like having him around because he’s cute, good in bed (as long as he gives it a rest without going all 12 rounds) and once I get over the fact that he spells “kik it” with a “k” I can relax and enjoy his company.

The moment he mentioned “feelings” is when the spiral began. Most everyone I know, knows that I don’t own a pair of those so when he mentioned the “F” word I backed off big time. I had thought we were on the same page up to that point so this was all completely out of left field.

I haven’t seen too much of him since then but he’s still actively pursuing me. However, his attempts at reconnecting have begun to border on the bizarre. Let me show you an example of one of his most recent attempts the other night (via text message):

YB: hey there

Me: hey

YB: How r u?

Me: Good. U?

YB: Good. Busy with work & skool

Me: Gotcha

YB: What r u doin?

Me: Just watching some TV.

YB: Sounds fun…u wanna suk sum cock

WHAT

THE

FUCK?

Oh gee, can I? Oh, pretty please?!? First off, my answer is no. I realize my day seemed to be devoid of something but I’m pretty sure sucking cock was not what it was missing. At least, not that day anyway. And secondly, you are not doing me any favors by sticking your dick in my mouth. As a matter of fact, that’s me doing you a favor.

I never responded to his offer of generosity so an hour later I got this:

YB: I guess that’s a no

See, he’s not so stupid after all.

Three days later…

YB: When kan we fuck

I didn’t even get any warning with that one. No “hi, how are you?” or “how was your day?” Nothin!

Me: When you stop sending me stupid texts about fucking and sucking dick. You know I hate that shit (Yes, I have told him on multiple occasions that I find “sexting”, as the kids call it, cheesy and lame. If you want to fuck, get your ass over here. I don’t need to talk about it. Put up or shut up.)

YB: Ok, no prob…karry on

Me: AND STOP SPELLING SHIT WITH A K!!!

For God’s sakes! This is a grown ass man. In college and holding down two jobs, no less. It’s like the closer he comes to the realization that I’m not interested in him romantically the more of a fucktard he becomes.

Is it because I’ve hurt his ego? Is he trying to outplay me in the game of NSA? It seems to me as if he’s gone overboard in trying to make it appear as though he no longer cares and he’s just in it for sex. The only difference being that I AM only in it for sex and he’s clearly gotten his wee wittle feelings hurt. I didn’t intentionally make it my mission to rebuff his romantic advances but I was up front and honest with him the whole time about where I stood. He knew the game. He knew the rules.

OR

He’s really just an idiot and thinks that women find it panty shedding hot to be bombarded with texts about hair pulling and knee scraping. I’m thinking a little bit of both.

And for the record, it’s apparently NEVER a good time to tell your cousin that she isn’t a model. Go figure.

Tragic Dating Profiles/Emails

"im kinda new on here and i was reading your profile and it sounded like we have some things in common. being new on here not sure what to do im kinda shy at first but open up as i get comfortable im a down to earth guy who enjoys simple things and open minded in trying different things i have 2 beautiful daughters i like to golf,shoot pool,going to the movies. i listen to all types of music. there is more to me but i dont like typeing so i am better on the phone by the way my name is Ron"

**Oh really? You drink too much, smoke too much and watch Cathouse on HBO? You enjoy knitting, watching MSNBC and eye cream? Awesome! Where have you been all my life?

And thanks for letting me know you don’t like typing. I can tell you aren’t a big fan of punctuation or capital letters.

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"You're so gorgeous...

Men should get in line for you!

Wish I lived a bit closer... ;)

Kiss,

-Mr. Rio de Janeiro"

**It’s not his email that caught my eye. I actually thought it was simple and sweet. What made me take a double take was his profile.

Status: Not single/Not looking

Looking For: Talk/E-mail

Interests: Movies, Internet, Cable

In the “About Me” section he simply listed his personal email address.

First Date:
"On the first date I had sex a few times. I also had a nice chat for hours some other times.  I'm open minded, so I guess it's about chemistry...Anyway, enough talking. Where's the fun? ;-)"

**Alllllriiiighty then

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"want to go to the beach on friday, get dinner or coffee and get to know eachother"

**This 18 year old jewel is the poster child for worst picture EH-VER. As if those two things aren’t enough of a reason to keep us apart he lives 2 hours away, is looking for an Intimate Encounter and had this is say in his “About Me” section…

“I have been in school for two years and want to find someone who I can really connect with. I have had some trouble in my past with girlfriends but it was their problems that caused the break up. Do not be afraid to talk to me because I am a great person. I am a very athletic person with a great body and mind”

**Really? Did he really just put all the blame for his past relationship failures on his ex girlfriends? And how many could there be at 18 years old?

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"My name is Arthur and i just adored your pic and profile. I am living in Del Mar, which is North San Diego County; single, never been married, no kids. Seeking to date a white woman leading to marriage ultimately. No games. Interests include sporting events, dining out, hanging out with friends, dancing, and romantic getaways. Willing to travel to make this happen. Open minded.
Thanks! Ciao4now. Xoxo"

**Again, I don’t have much to say about the initial email except for whooooaaa on the marriage mention…but it’s his profile that ultimately made me gag a little.

2 hours away from me (wonder if he knows the 18 year old that blames all his ex – yes, I left that singular on purpose), 44 years old, 5’6” (3 inches shorter than me), a few extra lbs and balding. Please, stop there! No, there’s more…

Interests: Get-togethers with others who love God

About Me:
"Hello! My name is Arthur. I'm doing well. Jesus is my Lord and Savior!

I'm closer than ever in my life to God, at the present time.

I was raised in a Christian environment all my life.

I moderate a National/International Christian news wire that reaches thousands by Email, twice weekly.

I used to be one of the Restaurant Critics for the Union Tribune.

Del Mar is where I live.

I am in my 4th year paying mortgage on a condo. I have pets.

Church attendance is unorthodox. I am involved with lots of religious organizations. I have my finger on the pulse of what's happening, what God is up to nowadays.

Seeking someone who wants to share passions, Christian interests, and explore the world around us. Ultimately, I want this to lead to more than acquaintances. Ciao!"

First Date:
"With that said (see above), I am worldly and materialistic, and a sinner just like the rest. I am nowhere near "holier than thou". I like all kinds of activities, so first dates can vary widely. I maintain an open mind."

**No, no, no, no no! Did he even READ my profile? He’s either trying to date me or save me. Either way, I’m not going anywhere with the bible thumping polar bear.

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"My name is Armando and I'm Peruvian/Italian. 6'0 tall, 210 lbs, 41 yrs.

I like to play soccer, rugby, work out, travel, carnival cruises, dancing, fine dining, movies, etc.

I'm looking for someone who wants to start out as friends and see where it goes from there! A cool, down to earth woman with a great sense of humor. If there's no chemistry, we can always be friends, simple as that!

SENSE OF HUMOR IS A MUST THOUGH!

I live in Culver City and work in Century City.

You seem like an amazing woman and it would be a pleasure to meet you.

Ciao

P.S.I WAS IN A 70'S PARTY IN THE 1ST PICTURE ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO SO FEEL FREE TO LAUGH! LOL

PENSO CHE SEI UNA DONNA BELLA! it means, "I THINK YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN""

**I have received this email no less than four times in the past six months from Mr. Copy & Paste. And guess what, I didn’t laugh at the 70’s party picture the first time around. He works hard, plays harder, loves to travel, looking for his best friend/partner in crime blah blah blah. Two words…BO RING!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"you do look gorgeous =]"

**Why, thank you Mr. 18 year old, looking for an Intimate Encounter with the headline “anyone here to fucck?”

Good luck in your search.

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"how are u today, are u busy

would u like to chat?

my name is kevin, whats your name?

Kevin"

**The 42 year old divorcee with the Driver’s License picture has this to say in his profile:

"The Scorpio man is unlike any man of any other. Scorpios men, are very deep and intense people. Understanding a Scorpio man is important in carrying on any type of relationship with him. If you are willing to deal with a Scorpio man then you will have a loyal friend"

**There’s something about a man that only refers to himself in the third person that creeps me out.

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"caall me 949 XXX-XXXX

samir"

His Profile:
"Am sweet careing down to earth romantic i love cuddleing And kissing i love going to the beach and going shopping i am very loyal to who ever i am with i never play games. I am into sports and I am kind of shy. Going out and having a good time is great but I like to stay home too. If that makes you frown upon me then thats on you cause i am a cool guy at times been called a sweetheart oh i work out to trying to better myself oh yeah is the any real ladys out there THE ONE AND ONLY ME! Better known as ONE9...Im a charming guy, whos out going....my please is to c u smile! Im known as a snicker--take your love hunger away..when u kiss me, ill be called the LAYS chips cause i bet u can just take one!...So get to know me, and find out! CAuse i Gone to a lot of places....seen a lot of faces........ If u want me, you'll have me! if u like what u see, you'll stay! if your a queen, ill be your KING! ..."

First Date:
"To the girl that just wants to hold hands.. -To the girl that kisses with a meaning.. -To the girl who says...."I do care". -To the girl who just wants a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.. -To the girl who just wants him to call.. -To the girl that just wants to cuddle.. -To the girl that just wants to sleep (no sex) with him.. -To the girl that is not scared to put her heart out there again because she has been hurt so many times.. -To the girl who is thinking right now... maybe this could be the one. -To the girl that believes in her dreams.. -To the girl that would do anything so she could achieve them.. -To the girl that supports him in his dreams 100% and will help him achieve them.. -To the girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually doesn't think it's funny at all. -To the girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way.. ..."

**Will somebody please...Shoot. Me. NOW!?!

Coffee, Tea...or Me?

It’s official, the 40 Year Old Virgin just isn’t into me. At least that’s the feeling I’m getting considering that he is now trying to fix me up with not one, but TWO of his friends.

Yes, you read that correctly. Mr. I Think You Are So Beautiful And I Really Like You And I Want To Take You Out (otherwise known as Mr. ITYASBAIRLYAIWTTYO) is now trying to fix me up with other people. It looks like I’ve found my very own personal matchmaker. The only problem is that I was interested in THIS guy. Not any of his friends.

After the last text message I received from him basically flaking on me, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to partake in this little game. As interested as I was in seeing him again (read: naked), I wanted him to know that I was not okay with him blowing me off.

But, I’m not completely innocent, which is why I actually entertained the idea of seeing him again. I had to take some of the blame considering how strongly I came on to him. I did, after all, almost devour him on our first date. It’s very possible I may have scared him a little bit. Those who know me or have met me, even once, know that I can be…what’s the word…a tad aggressive?

A week later he IMed me on Facebook:

Him: What’s up sexy? You’re so beautiful (Major points for choosing the right version of you’re and double points for calling me beautiful)

Me: Hey

Him: Are you doing ok?

Me: Yes. You?

Him: Just wanted to let you know that I like you a lot and didn't want to hurt you. Because you're really nice person  (Uh oh, I can see where this is going…)

Me: (Not wanting to stick around for the ax) Thanks. Take care.

Him: I want us to be good friends and I do want to see you again, babe! If that's o.k with you. (There it is…let’s be “friends”)

Him: Let me make some money, because it's slow a bit for me  (Huh?)

Him: We can go to comedy clubs and hang out and have a few drinks  (Is he trying to make a date or is this still us being “friends”? Because it’s starting to feel like a date. I could be wrong.)

Me: Ok? I’m a little confused but…ok?

Him: LOL!  (Not sure how my being confused is funny but…ok?)

Me: Even though I'm not sure what money has to do with anything.

Him: I'm not a prince from Saudi Arabia! If we go out and have a few drinks and want to eat dinner, they will send us a bill! lol  (Yes, I’m pretty familiar with consumerism and it’s cost)

Me: You were the one making all the plans to go here and there. If you would have asked me, I would have told you that I'm perfectly content hanging out at my place and not doing much. I think between you and me we can afford a six pack.

Him: lol!!!!! Yeah, but I want to take you out, babe.  (After all is said and done, I will probably be ditching this guy for his accessive use of “lol” and “babe”)

Me: I just don’t understand you. You try to get me to go out with you for 6 months then we go out and have a good time (or so I thought) and then you blow me off. I don't think I want to play this game. (Pretty self explanatory)

Him: I'm not blowing you off! I'm writing you now.

Him: Talk to you later, sweetie! Gotta go to bed. Need to get up at 5a.m I have a client at 6:45a.m Goodnight.

And with that he was gone.

But it didn’t stop there. A few nights later, he left me a voicemail saying two of his friends had seen my pictures on Facebook and thought I was beautiful so he gave them my number. Wait, did you catch that? HE GAVE OUT MY NUMBER! What the hell was he thinking? Is he my fucking pimp now?

The next two voicemails were from “the friends”.  Needless to say, these calls have not been returned. I did email the 40 Yo Virgin though and let him know exactly how I felt about him passing me around like some damn party favor. He has since apologized profusely saying he “wasn’t thinking” and that he likes me too and blah, blah, blah.

It’s pretty safe to assume that I will NOT be seeing this guy again. Perfect body or no, he’s a complete and utter social retard. I just don’t have the patience to deal with such nonsense.

Next!

Pants Party

I’m gonna jump on the penis bandwagon here, no pun intended. There’s penis in the air lately (again, no pun intended). Lots of articles asking “does size matter?”

Well, I’m here to tell you it does. To me, at least.

Being a self proclaimed penis connoisseur, I’d like to consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject. I’ve dealt with teeny peenys, pencil dicks, crooked cocks and donkey kongs. There isn’t a whole lot I haven’t seen. I’m not bragging, I’m just stating fact.

I’ve dealt with minute men, marathon men and men going soft. Men that are cut, men that are not. Men that are shaved and men that don’t bother.

From what I’ve seen, the line between men and women has been clearly drawn in the sand. Women that enjoy an adequate member and how it’s used and men that claim it isn’t the size of the trouser snake but how it moves.

I’m here to say that I’m a size queen and proud of it. I make no apologies. It’s strictly a matter of preference. Go big or go home. That’s not to say it’s the only deciding factor when I meet a guy but it is most certainly a bonus.

So how does a woman preferring a larger penis differ from a man preferring larger breasts? A certain hair color? A certain race? Body type? I don’t think it does. People all have things that turn them on. Some things are stranger than others. Some people are into kink, bondage, feet, food. You name it, there’s somebody that wants it.

When a woman mentions liking a man of “size” I hear a lot of excuses. “Just because he’s large doesn’t mean he knows how to use it.” “She must have a huge vagina.” Retaliation by many (mostly men) countering with bullshit somehow insinuating that just because she enjoys a large cock she’s shallow, a whore or doesn’t enjoy all the rest that comes along with being intimate with somebody. I understand that there isn’t a whole lot a man can do with what he was born with but again it’s a matter of preference. He can’t change his size anymore than I can change into a petit Asian woman. That doesn’t make me bitter or insulted towards any man that happens to prefer all the things I’m not. I’ve dealt with bad lays on both ends of the spectrum but if I had my choice I’d still stick with the foot long over the finger pecker.

So why the bad rap for women that enjoy huge cocks?

I will, however, agree with most that it shouldn’t be the only factor when determining a man’s worthiness for bedding. It’s also nearly impossible to determine the size of a man’s goods until it is literally out in the open. Not from lack of me trying, of course.

I’ve heard the myths. I’ve checked them all out. I’ve dated 6’4” men with cocks the size of a thimble. I’ve dated men shorter than myself sporting 8” plus. Big noses mean nothing. Big feet just mean big shoes. Want to know a sure fire way to tell if the man you are with is sporting a baby shark? When he pulls down his pants and he has a 10” wiener. That’s how.

Moral of the story? People like what they like. Everybody is different. Some people are good in bed and in tune with what makes them and their partner feel good. And sadly, some people just aren’t.

Pocket Rocket aside…seriously ladies, when was the last time you purposely bought a dildo that was only 4”?

The Fireman (Part 3)

My entire body aches. My legs hurt. My arms hurt. My back hurts. Even my hair hurts.

Why?

Because I had The Fireman over Saturday night, that’s why.

Remember me telling you that I wasn’t as worried about him not writing me back as I was about him actually writing me back? I was right.

The moment I saw those 87” inch biceps and broad shoulders I knew there was going to be some serious fucking going on. Considering the dry spell I’d been having I had a lot to make up for. It’s been nearly two months since I’ve had my insides tickled and frankly I had some needs that needed to be taken care of.

The Fireman arrived at my place rather late on Saturday night. He’d had to work so I excused the tardiness. I should have had him wear his uniform over. Now that would have been HOT. I did, after all, have my own fire that needed putting out.

He picked me up and we decided to go out for a few bottles of wine. The only place open was a CVS so with the rest of the late nighters and half drunk assholes coming in from the closing bars we headed to the alcohol department. It was at this time I realized one unfortunate trait owned by The Fireman.

He was a loud talker.

Up and down the aisles he proceeded to tell me about crazy nights that included himself and mass quantities of Hennessy. As if it wasn’t bad enough that we were shopping for cheap wine at 1 in the morning, we (meaning he) were actually louder than the drunken idiots in there trying to act sober. The only difference being that we were actually sober. I found myself lowering my voice and then actually not talking in hopes that he would follow my lead. No such luck. The only highlight as I tried to distance myself from Lil Wayne was getting the chance to walk behind the hot loud talker and take full stock of what I was about to see disrobed and panting within the hour.

Of course, at this time of the evening CVS only employs checkers that are incapable of ringing people up and/or reading so we had to wait 15 minutes while Mr. CVS Checkout guy rang up a pack of gum. Just enough time for The Fireman to continue his stories of debauchery and to give me a chance to hear his Transformers ringtone. Correction, give the entire store enough time to hear of his stories and ringtone.

Once out in the parking lot, I began to breathe again knowing that we wouldn’t be sharing our business with the entire town.

We got back to my place and made ourselves cozy. We talked, laughed, drank lots of wine and generally had a very nice time. With the wine finished and morning approaching we got down to business.

In those next few hours, Mr. Fireman more than made up for the loud talking. He knew how to handle his business and riding that black stallion was worthy of Penthouse Forum. Just as I’d predicted, we were quite compatible and there was nothing left to the imagination. Any dry spell that I was having was completely quenched and we quickly fell asleep in a sweaty mess on top of the covers.

We slept in the next morning and I awoke to my head on his broad chest with his huge arm around me. A little groggy from the wine and late night erotica we gave round two a go before him getting ready to leave. As much as I wanted to chain him to my bed for all of eternity I let him leave about noon so he could drive back to his hood and do the things he had left undone in the few hours he had left before heading to work again.

He may not be relationship material but then again, I’ve come to the conclusion that I may not be either. However, with the sexual chemistry we both had he has definitely made his way to the front of my little black book. I won’t be going out with him in public due to his loud talking ways but rest assured, he can make as much noise as he wants when he’s behind the closed doors of my Den of Iniquity.

The 40 Year Old Virgin

I almost ate my date the other night. I only wish I was joking.

I was recently referred to as a cougar. Not in the traditional sense but because I actually eat men.

But before I get too far ahead of myself let me take you back to the beginning before I almost devoured my victi…date, yes, that’s what I meant…my date.

Six days ago…

Me (In my head): Wait…did I just hear that right? No, I couldn’t have. Let me ask him again…

Me (Into the phone): “What do you want to see me wear?”

Me (In my head): Oh God, he did say it…

Him: “Spandex”

Me (In my head): Oh fantastic, he’s elaborating in the event I’m confused…

Him: “You know, like bicycle shorts”

Me (Into the phone): Hmph

Me (In my head): Yeah, this date is going to be fantastic. I wonder if he’d also like me to wear leg warmers and a side pony tail. I bet if I look hard enough, I may be able to find an old “Op” T-shirt and my pink pair of “LA Gears”.

Six months prior to Spandex-gate was the first time the 40 Year Old Virgin entered the picture. After our initial correspondences I sort of forgot about him. He was a nice looking man and seemed decent. I was just in the midst of a dating burn out. He would call me every month or so to no avail and really, the only reason I decided to call him back was due to a severe case of Cabin Fever and boredom combined with my need for new meat.

The very day I called him back he returned my call three times. Ah yes, now I remember why we never met…he talked too fucking much. His over exuberance seemed more out of nervousness than lack of manners. I only hoped that he didn’t act like a junior highschooler on our date. Cute, yes, but still slightly annoying. But as is usually the case with me, biceps won over logic and common sense. One of these days I’ll learn. I hope.

He was your typical Persian/Assyrian in that he actually still lived at home. No joke. At 10:45 his mom actually called to see why he was out so late. Again, I’m not joking. If I hadn’t had a history with men of Middle Eastern persuasion I would have been switching my heels for a pair of running shoes. But again, biceps and lack of anything better to do won out.

He was yet another personal trainer and did some work in movies. He was a bit of a name dropper but I’m not sure if he was actually being conceited or still just nervous and trying to impress me. I figured if he got too obnoxious on our date, there was nothing a boob in the mouth couldn’t fix.

Present Day

When I drove up to our meeting place and saw him standing outside I almost crashed from trying to kick myself. I could have met this stud muffin six months earlier?!? Who’s the nerd now? Me.

Beautiful body, had all his teeth, gorgeous eyes and eyelashes so long they tickled me when we talked. Two words…DE. LISH! That’s when I started to play a little game in my head I like to call “How long before I can get his shirt off?” If I ever meet a mind reader, I’m in trouble.

Knowing his love for thick women, I jokingly asked if my ass was big enough. He looked behind me and with a slight grin responded, “Hmm, almost”. He said I was perfect and very beautiful and even a little too thin. I have NEVER been considered too skinny. This reason alone is why we are getting married this spring.

The rest of the night was amazing. He was nervous and polite, enamored and a pleasure to look at. We made out like teenagers and yes, I did get his shirt off. This is where I almost devoured him. If we had had the correct preparations I would have hit that shit like Lennox Lewis in a Tyson fight.

All night he made mention of the places he wanted to take me. He wanted to see me again. He wanted to see me soon. He wanted to see me the very next night. As he walked me to my car he asked that I call him the next day to set up a time.

The next day I called.

And texted.

And tried one last time to call.

Then I got this:

“Sorry hun! I had a little bit of family trouble, and drama! I’ll call u tomorrow! Be safe babe. Talk to u soon”

What the fuck?!?

Completely confused I found myself suddenly 35 times more attracted to him than before. Never more than in that moment was it so obvious how I wanted what wasn’t so easily handed to me. Damn him. My girlfriend summed it up…

“Wow, a dick you didn’t conquer right away!”

I don’t know about you but that sounds like a challenge.

Stay tuned for Part 2 because there WILL be a Part 2 if I have anything to do with it… ;-)

The Fireman (Part 2)

Fireman Update:

Less than a day after sending The Fireman my eloquently crafted email I received a response from him. I grabbed myself a bottle of water and braced myself for what this perfect specimen of a man had to say:

“You are too funny Melisa! I just read your profile and your a woman version of me! Hey what can I say were both sagittarius! I'm pretty sure we can reak sum havok upon this world! I'm a wild child, love my hennessy and I love sex too! Give me holla back when u get this message!
-The Fireman”

Okay, he’s not going to be winning any Pulitzer Prize Awards but at least he spelled my name right. Upon reading this message I knew I was in trouble. Just as I explained in my earlier post, he and I together have the potential to be nothing short of explosive. Call it my sixth sense, call it my woman’s intuition, call it what you will but I just had the feeling that having us two fire signs in the same proximity would make it a good thing he was already a trained firefighter.

Without wasting any time, I gave him my number. If this guy was truly for real, I wanted a piece of him. He called right away. We discussed all the usual topics in this first conversation in the limited time we had since he was on his way out. Turns out he lived about 3 miles from being in a rap song so it looked as if we would be meeting in my neck of the woods. I have no desire to be some random shooting statistic. Being in school and working for the LA County Fire Dept. full time I was already getting a sense that finding a time convenient for us to meet was going be a little difficult.

After that…

I got bored.

Yep, I’ll say it again. I got bored. It’s as if the excitement of the chase was over. He was my unicorn and now he was within reach. But something about knowing he was too busy for anything substantial turned me off. I’ve played the game in the past where I had to be “fit into” somebody else’s schedule. I may not be furthering my education or rescuing kittens from trees but my time is valuable none the less.

The following Friday night at 10pm we had this little text message exchange:

Him: Hey r u out?

Me: Just got home

Him: Ok, now you gotta come to my home and see me! Lol (Yeah no, that’s not going to happen. I won’t be visiting 8 Mile anytime soon)

Him: Hey, I just got off work and I’m a lil wired! Haha

Me: I just got home and I’m a lil tired! Haha

After that, he called me. Still trying to talk me into meeting up he began to inquire more about my location. But, face washed, teeth brushed and PJ’s on there was no way I was having company. I guess nobody can accuse me of being desperate. I don’t care who you are. If I’m tired and comfortable chances are I’m not going anywhere.

This is where he lost me. Upon discussing my recent move, he let it be known that my place wasn’t fully a home unless it had been “broken in”. I happen to agree with this statement but there was going to be no breaking in done this evening. He continued to enlighten me on his sexual prowess and open mindedness. I got the full picture of how “open minded” this guy was when he mentioned a swingers club he used to frequent with his ex.

Sure, I’m a little bit of a freak and I have a very healthy appetite when it comes to sex. If it’s been longer than a month I start to go into withdrawals. I get cranky and try to hump just about anything that crosses my path. I start imagining weather forecasters in the nude. It gets really bad. But even I was a little surprised at his bravado. I was even a little intimidated which says a lot considering I certainly have no problems holding my own under the sheets.

In my last entry I made mention of keeping him all to myself in my bedroom but those were my own personal thoughts. I did not mention my plans for his captivity to him so for him to immediately jump into the deep end of this conversation left me feeling a little bored and unimpressed.

Perhaps, deep down I was hoping for something more substantial than just another notch on my bedpost. That just doesn’t excite me anymore. It’s too easy. The real turn on for me these days is to actually find somebody who can make me laugh and have something more meaningful to say other than trying to guess my bra size. But, it looks like that’s not going to happen with this fellow.

I’ll probably end up meeting him just out of curiosity. I do still have my needs but as far as him being my white knight I don’t think that’s a role he’s going to be able to fill.