Here’s how I know that The Fireman and I will not be sustaining a long and fulfilling relationship:
Five minutes after arriving, he began telling me of his “Latina” phase. Apparently, he is now into women of the Hispanic persuasion. Hi, have we met? I’m a 19 foot tall blonde. Thanks, Jackass.
He only brought one bottle of wine.
He spent 12 minutes discussing his previous night’s date where he spent $50 at the movies and didn’t get laid yet decided that he couldn’t forgo $10 to get another bottle of vino for me…even knowing that I WOULD be putting out.
I started playing on Twitter while he was talking.
He seemed slightly annoyed when I managed to rip his belt in half while trying to get it off of him. (I don’t mess around when I’m trying to get into a man’s pants. If I feel it’s taking too long, clothes will be torn and belts broken. That’s just the risk you take)
Since he wouldn’t let me sleep at 1:30 in the morning, I made him go out to buy me more wine because I realized he was only bearable if I’m intoxicated.
He tried to order a hamburger with a side of tits at the Jack In The Box drive through on our way back from getting alcohol.
He bit me.
I found myself rolling my eyes several times when he wasn’t looking and even contemplated if it was too late to go ask the neighbors if I could borrow their duck tape. At midnight.
He tried to stick his dick into my wine glass to get my attention since I found an old episode of Criminal Minds more entertaining than his thoughts of self realization and his need to acquiesce to the demands of family and friends to settle down and find a “good” woman.
All in all, this evening I just described can best be summed up as an “I shaved for this?” kind of evening. The conversation was dull and the sex mediocre at best.
I didn’t even bother with the morning sex. I got dressed and sat on the couch to wait for him to wake up. Walking him to his car was the highlight of the whole experience.
I’d once been told that if I were a bitch, I’d be nicer. I’m inclined to agree.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Yet another sign our little Melisa's growing up (wipes tears away from eye). Awwwww.....
ReplyDeleteThose 12 minutes seem to be where it all went downhill. Bloody outrage! As we say down here.
ReplyDelete-Clap
Oh my goodness... laughing and empathizing at the same time. I guess the bite was too hard to be a love bite.
ReplyDeleteAs I've said before. A fireman's job is to put out the fire and then return to the station. They don't hang around once they make sure the fire is out.
ReplyDeleteThis one sounds incredibly immature and boorish.
Oh Jesus......
ReplyDeletewhy?
just, why?
There are some things I will just never understand, and a boring man sticking his dick in a wine glass because I've deemed t.v. more important is one of them.
Good for you on the twitter.
Sounds like the evening would have been better spent with a vibrator.
i so feel your pain on this one.
ReplyDeletewhy do men feel the need to talk about other women/dates when they're on a date with someone else?
and the dick in the wine glass move is incomprehensible.
SMH
Oh dear.. I can so empathize! However that does remind me.. I need to get a gag for my sex-box.. its stories like these that make me certain one of these days it will be necessary.
ReplyDeleteBrewers_rule - Take that back...I'm am most certainly NOT growing up! hehe
ReplyDeleteClap - It was a definite bloody outrage and a boring one at that.
Lisa - I'm not into biting. It's never a good sign when I find myself scolding him "No marks! No marks!"
Toomany - He put the fire out all right. To the point where I know longer want to play with matches.
Wanderingmenace - A vibrator would have been better company because I would have been able to turn it off.
Skye - Messing with my wine? HUGE NO NO!
Maruska - The gag probably would have been a good idea but I just can't get Pulp Fiction out of my mind whenever I see one. Not that I've ever seen one of those...;-)
I'm speechless.. that just goes to show you that guys that look like greek gods are only good for one or two fucks. Once their real selves come out, it's all over.
ReplyDeletedick in the wine glass trick huh???
ReplyDeleteDick in a box is one thing. Dick in a wine glass. Don't fuck with the vino baby, unless you're licking it off my body. Who's next my dear?
ReplyDeleteYeah, the dick-in-your-wine-glass comment? Made me LAUGH SO HARD. :)
ReplyDeleteJust got around to reading this and - can I say? You are hilarious! Sorry he got dull so fast, but yeah, I can relate. I've had more than my fair share of exciting flings with no intellectual substance and I'm so over it. Not to say I'll turn down the next dreamboat who tries to seduce me over a philosophical conversation (sigh) but I'm certainly learning to be a bit more picky.
Then again, as I've said before: Bad dating experiences = GREAT blogging material! :) Let's look at the bright side here.