Meeting One was a breath of fresh air. He was funny, engaging, TALL. By all accounts, perfect. One had his own house, his own business and a boat. He was divorced, had a son and didn’t spend countless hours bitching about the Ex. All signs pointed to yes. For once, I thought Match.com might have gotten it right. Or at least close.
Our first conversation was filled with laughter and flirting without him feeling the need to ask me for more pictures or my bra size. In a “what a small world” moment, it was soon realized that I had actually met his bartender brother two years earlier in Hollywood. I have a fairly uncommon French last name and as it turned out me and One had last names so similar we were one letter away from being kissing cousins. Giving his brother my card to start a tab is how he and I ended up having the exact same conversation years before.
Anyway, moving along…
A couple of dinner dates and a few Coronas later and it was time to test out the mattress. One had an amazing body and I was very much looking forward to exploring it. He knew how to kiss, he knew where to touch. This was going to be fun.
With my tongue, I traced the lines of his chest. Nibbling on his muscular pecks and lightly biting at his solid abs on my way down. I thought to myself “Wow, this guy has everything!”
But I may have spoken too soon.
Making my way down to show this guy one of my many talents, I thought I noticed something missing. Lights out, I thought the shadows of the room were playing tricks on me. I moved One Jr. slightly to the right then slightly to the left. Could it be? Was I seeing this right?
I thought they usually came in pairs?
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That shouldn't be a big deal. Wouldn't it have been worse if it'd ended in a Crying Game-like manner?
ReplyDeleteI didn't say it was a big deal. It was just a bit of a surprise. Don't you think he should have given me a heads up (pun intended) to something like that? ;-)
ReplyDeleteI want to know what happened next! Did you go for it still? ;)
ReplyDeleteWhy tell you and risk ruining the element of surprise?
ReplyDeleteI luv the way you've written this post .. I actually thought it might be about something else but this was a surprise ! I suppose he could have mentioned it earlier - but was worried about what you'd say / think ? It's kinda embarrassing for him.
ReplyDeleteAlso its more unlikely that you would question him about it in the throes of passionate nibbles :P
Skinny Dip - Of course I went for it!
ReplyDeleteJG Goldman & Dazediva - I guess that would be an awkward dinnertime conversation, huh? lol
'Ever Get The Feeling Like There's Something Missing?' Yeah, this post is extremely short. WTF, Mae?
ReplyDelete-Clap
That's the point, Clap! But thanks for making me laugh ;-)
ReplyDeleteWhy am I suddenly singing "Little pecker in his hand, he's a one ball man..."????
ReplyDeleteHe traded his left one to meet someone like you.
ReplyDeleteAwww. That just makes him extra special! Hey, it happens! I know a guy like that, still fathered a son, still served in the Marines! Still very much a man. ;-)
ReplyDeletesister! you are a rock star in my book. Work those one-nut wonders.
ReplyDeleteHAHA Surprise ending! Love it.
ReplyDeleteAs for whether he should have given you a heads up about it, I'm not sure when would have been a good time for him to bring it up. It would have been awkward, no matter how he played it.