Happy Anniversary to ME!

Exactly one year ago today, I sat with a friend of mine plotting world domination. Due to a somewhat shady history chalk full of questionable and unwise decisions, we quickly realized running for office may not be the way to go. Marrying well was also not an option as I’m way too opinionated to be anybody’s bitch. It was determined, however, that I’m a narcissistic, sarcastic, sexually liberated and somewhat decent writer (did I mention narcissistic?). Hence, Miss Melisa Mae was born.

Never in a million years would I imagine that even a single person would give two shits about what I had to say. Let alone comment and become loyal followers of my abrasive, somewhat offensive and crazy antics. I’m humbled and flattered by those that take the time to read my bullshit and over usage of the words fuck and penis.

So, in a moment of introspection I’ve decided to list some of the things I have learned in the past year from having this blog. Enjoy…

1. I am an animal. I hunt, I prey and I devour men. I am, in a sense, a predator of the male population as a whole. No man is safe and every once in a while no woman is either.

2. I am not a dating advice blogger. I date, I screw, I write. End of story. Anyone daring enough to ask my advice will probably be lead astray. But it will at least be amusing. For me, anyway.

3. I look really good when holding a camera 38 feet above my head and to the left. If anything can be learned from my 16 year old cousins, it’s that.

4. I have way more sex than I originally thought.

5. I am not the only nutty, sex crazed, 30-something obsessed with biceps and peni.

6. Despite making periodic breaks in my stream of conscious writing, I still have no idea where and when to end a paragraph.

7. Not everybody is going to love me or my writing and those people should be shipped off to the island of misfit toys that's okay.

8. Despite my initial reservations about putting my love life on record and in writing, it has been among the best and most cathartic things I’ve ever done.

9. I now have one year’s worth of blog posts outlining exactly why I’m still single.

10. Not only am I dating to find love, I now also embrace those awkward and disappointing first dates because they make for awesome stories.

11. I still have a great rack.

12. I’m kind of a bitch. But that’s ok. I own it.

And there you have it, kids. I need to run, I have a post to write about an engaged dickwad with huge teeth and a pecker the size of a walnut.

Ciao, babies!